Why am I writing this?

I am writing this because my life with men is non-existant.

I find myself in my rural home all alone.
Men are within reach, but I don't see to try.

I'd like to share with you (and myself) some of my past experiences with men.
I may be explicit.

I am a gay man, mid 40s and live in California.
That's about all the detail I actually want to share about the real me.

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.