When Princess Diana died...

I was with Tony...

I remember sitting in that overstuffed bed of his, not completely understanding the gravity of her being and the loss of her.

But there was Tony, sobbing.

He's the one that made me realize what an important person she was in our world...

The world theatre serves a great purpose -- in passing the messages of people to people. In her case, she was the great bringer of hope to so many people.

Tony had HIV/AIDS -- he really showed the signs that the medications had on people at the time. He had that chiseled face that men had at the time.

Each of the different drugs that men took at the time had these different weird side effects. Many men of the time got the hump on the back of their neck's... and these men would switch to a new drug and a new side effect.

Anyhow, back to Diana & Tony. With his health status and regimen of daily duties, he really saw her as a beacon of hope in his life. She brought him the hope that HIV/AIDS would no longer be the curse it has been in his community, of San Francisco.

Meeting Tony

Tony is his real name.
Tony has since passed from this earth.

I met him via "The Back Door" which was a gay dial-up bulletin board operated in SF at the time. It was very primitive.... You'd get only 3 lines to explain yourself. I don't recall what mine said at the time, but it was short and to the point.

I think that mine suggested I was into leather and bondage and boot licking and CIGARS.

Tony contacted me and wanted to play. I was interested in him and after some chatting, we set up a time to meet. I had high faith in this bulletin board at the time, I recall thinking that if they could operate a computer and a modem and pay the $$$, that they were not going to be fakes.

I remember coming to the city, all nervous and stuff. Tony didn't live in the greatest part of the city. He literally lived right next door to the Potrero Hill housing project.

I parked the car on a steep hill, and found my way to his place. And nervously knocked on the door.

He was so insanely handsome with a perfectly formed 7% body fat body. He was dressed only in a leather harness, nipple clamps, and boots. So Hot! He pulled me in the door and the fun instantly started!

I don't remember much of that night.

Why am I writing this?

I am writing this because my life with men is non-existant.

I find myself in my rural home all alone.
Men are within reach, but I don't see to try.

I'd like to share with you (and myself) some of my past experiences with men.
I may be explicit.

I am a gay man, mid 40s and live in California.
That's about all the detail I actually want to share about the real me.

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.